Prepare Yourself for a Difficult Conversation
Whatever role you are in, we all have difficult conversations at work with peers, team members, and our boss. Taking the time to prepare for these conversations can ensure that you:
- Clearly think through the desired outcome of the discussion.
- Consider the point of view of the person with whom you are having the conversation and how they might respond.
- Prepare yourself for emotions that may arise in the discussion and be able to bring calm to the discussion.
- Decide on the best approach and style to bring to the discussion.
In addition, taking the time to prepare your talking points for the discussion can be a way to bring a more neutral and resolution-oriented approach by:
- Being direct and getting to the point quickly.
- Focusing on behaviors and impact -- providing specifics.
- Not using accusatory language.
- Maintaining a neutral but firm tone.
- Keeping focused on the conversation and not being distracted,
- Being prepared to listen.
- Bringing empathy to the discussion.
An outline follows which contains approaches and worksheets to help you prepare and practice for a conversation that will be constructive and achieve the desired outcome.
Preparing Yourself for a Difficult Conversation
Use this step-wise planning approach to prepare yourself for a difficult conversation, noting your own thoughts and emotions about it, and then practicing the conversation in a composed and constructive manner.
Step 1: Identify the pressing issue.
The issue I intend to resolve is:
Step 2: Describe the issue.
What is going on? How long has this been going on? How serious or important is the situation?
Step 3: Determine the current impact.
How is this issue impacting me? How is this issue impacting others, team performance, or the organization? When I consider the impact on myself and others, what are my emotions?
Step 4: Determine the future implications.
If nothing changes, what’s likely to happen? What’s the risk? What’s at stake for me, for others, and the organization? When I consider these possible implications, what are my emotions?
Step 5: Examine your personal contribution to this issue.
How have I contributed to the problem?
Step 6: Describe the ideal outcome.
When this issue is resolved, what difference will that make? What positive results will I experience? When this issue is resolved, what positive results will others experience?
Step 7: Commit to action and a timeframe.
What positive outcome am I committed to supporting? What are my expectations for others in achieving the outcome? When will I schedule this difficult conversation?
Practicing Your Constructive Conversation
After you have filled out the Difficult Conversation Worksheet to clarify your thoughts on the situation, use this Constructive Conversation Planner to practice what you’ll say. You can print and fill in this form, or fill it in and save it electronically with Adobe Reader.
Step 1: Describe your observation of the situation (issue).
Neutrally, describe your observation of the situation. Be specific about when and where it occurred?
Step 2: What behavior/action did you observe?
Describe the observable behavior/action. Do not assume you know what this person was thinking or intending to accomplish.
Step 3: What impact did you observe?
What impact did you feel and/or observe resulted from this behavior/action?
Step 4: Describe the optimum outcome.
What is the optimum, positive outcome to support success in this situation?
Step 5: Discuss solution(s).
What are viable solutions and options for achieving the optimum outcome? What support/resources will help to resolve it?
Step 6: Commit to action. Agree on a timeframe - for execution and follow-up.
Agree on a timeframe for carrying out and resolving the situation. Agree on your check-in points. Follow-up in writing.
Adapted from the Center for Creative Leadership "SBI" (Situation, Behavior, Impact).
RESOURCES
Crucial Conversations – Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, by Kerry Patterson
See "Radical Candor" from BetterManager content library.
